Wave of Light: Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness. OUR Story.Thursday, October 15, 2015
|[Mt. Trashmore, April 2012]|
For a while, I questioned everything. I was back to my unhappy place. It hurt in all aspects; mentally, physically, emotionally. I was drained. I was angry. I was confused. I would never think of doing such thing, but at that time disappearing just seemed a lot better and less painful. I would talk to the baby and say sorry that I couldn't do anything. I blamed myself. But I knew I had to get myself together. I had to pick myself back up, as hard as it was to do. If I wanted to experience being a mother someday, I had to get myself together. I grieved for weeks, months, but life kept on going and none of it stopped for me. So I realized I had to move on.
There were still so many things we wanted to do and accomplish before becoming parents. That pregnancy saved us in ways we didn't know then, but looking back at it now, if it never had happened, sometimes I wonder if John and I would have still been together. And we could have easily given up on each other after the fact, but instead, that experience brought us closer together and realized that we can go through hell and back, so we worked on us. And that is why I say that the pregnancy saved us, it saved me. We may have lost the baby, but it served a bigger purpose in our lives for that short amount of time. It gave way for us to work on ourselves and our marriage.
We are 1 in 4. We never thought it could happen to us, but it did. We share our story so that those who have experienced it won't feel like they have to go through this alone. To give them hope. If sharing your story helps you cope, then share it. I'm sure someone out there would be glad to read and know they aren't alone. But if you'd rather stay silent and keep the pain to yourself, that is fine too. For everyone who has experienced some type of infant and pregnancy loss or know any one who has experienced it, light a candle up for them.